I have been feeling like I need to journal more. Hence the revival of this blog. This is my chance to write down the memories and experiences I have. So while this is an experience that when I think about it scares the crap out of me, it needs to be shared.
On Saturday, August 16, 2014; we as a family went on to run the Heber river on a raft and tubes. We went with Joel's sister Wendy, her husband Kym, and daughter Angie; plus Joel's sister Robyn and all her kids (Izzy, Ethan, Alison, A.J.), and grandad (Joel's father). There was 5 tubes and then the rest of us fit in the raft. So all together there was 15 people with all the kids and adults. It was a calm day, a nice day. And everyone was excited and a little nervous. Earlier in the summer we had driven to Yellowstone as a family and on the way we stopped to watch the snake river at a place called the Big Kahuna. Nice big section of rapids. Because of that Luke was so sure he was never going on a river in a raft. Weber River has no where near the size of rapids as the Snake River.
So we get to the our loading point. Everyone gets fitted for an appropriate sized life vest, lathers on the sun screen (expect Joel forgot his legs :)), and get ready to get in the raft or tube. Luke and Erika were a bit nervous. So I stuck close to Luke and Erika gravitated to Grandad. Then we were off. And we had a blast, hit some rapids, got wet, and generally just had a great time. There was a little lagoon on the side that several people got out to swim in. Kym (Wendy's husband) was an excellent guide.
Everything was fun and awesome until it wasn't. After the lagoon a ways there was tons and tons of tubers. Making it harder for Kym to move the raft the way he wanted. We started heading into some rapids with lots of rocks/boulders surrounded by tubes. There was not many places to put down his oars and steer. We got pulled down the river by the rapids, hit a rock, and everyone but Kym and Alison got dumped from the raft.
I was suppose to be hanging on to Luke, but we had a very loose grip. Luke you will remember did not want to go on this trip. Luke also did not want to get wet or dunked under water. When you are around water it is hard not to get wet, but I did hope we could save him for getting tossed out of the raft. When we hit the rock, all I could think was Luke is going to get wet. Then oh no, Erika's going to get wet. And all the other kids. I tried so hard to hold on to him. I figured if we were together he wouldn't be so freaked. That planned didn't happen so well. As soon as we hit the water we were pulled apart. I started heading down the river pulled by the rapids. All I could think was I lost Luke. I lost Luke. I lost him. Sadly I had thoughts, paranoia of him being gone.... has in dead. Or seriously hurt. It is hard to think it and terrifying all at the same time. I know no one is ever ready to plan a funeral for their child. And I feel bad that my thoughts went to there, how am I going to emotionally coup with this. These thoughts were scary.
I popped up and started floating down the river. I then noticed that Erika had clung onto Grandad. He saved her from being swept away. She attached herself to him and was not going to let go. Which was great. So grateful for Grandad for being there for her. So I got pulled down the river a ways and saw Joel had stopped in his tube to see if he could help. I just cried to him that I lost Luke. He yells is Luke in a green shirt. I could not remember, sadly. Joel keeps yelling is Luke in a green shirt. If he is the one in the green shirt, then he is on the raft. I finally find my footing on the side of the river. I am able to stop to turn around and look at the raft. Sure enough there he is. I just sat down on the rock on the side of the river and let out a sigh of relief.
Erika and Grandad floated up and sat down next to me. This was when I started to panic again, because Erika was screaming that her back hurt. I was sure she had done something serious. We sat there together and tried to calm down. Then the raft floats by and sure enough there is Luke on the raft. I could hear him crying. But not all my kids were on the raft, some one was missing. I start scanning the river looking for Tori. Oh my gosh there she is still in the rapids on a rock. She seems okay. Several tubers try to help her. But she just gets knocked into the water and pulled down the river like the rest of us. Joel tries to grab her. I am still trying to calm Erika, so I was no help. Tori just floats by and luckily was saved by Robyn, a little bit further down.
The raft had stopped even further down. So now we need to make our way down to the raft. I then realize I only have one shoe. One was swept off my foot. Oh well, not much you can do now. Time to climb up the river bank, which is sharp rock and prickly plants. Erika has no shoes, she was just wearing flip flops that she took off in the boat. As we are climbing up, there was a van with two very nice guys that had stopped on the side of the rode. They wondered if there was anything they could do to help. They offered to take us to our cars. At the time that was just what I wanted to do. I did not want to have to get in the water again. Erika did not either and I was sure Luke was freaking out on the raft. So we said, 'Yes, thank you. A ride to our car would be awesome'. I should have calmed the kids down and gotten back on the raft. They say the rest of the river was very calm. It would have been good for the kids to try again. Maybe.
The gentlemen in the van drive us to the raft. So I can scoop up Luke. And anyone else who wants to be done. I just needed to hug Luke, I felt so terrible that I couldn't hold on to him when we got dumped from the raft. At the raft I grab Luke, Amber decides to come with, and Robyn plus two of her kids. Grandad gets out of the van and gets back into the raft. I just sat in the back of the van and looked at all my kids knowing that this scary experience could have been worse. I doubt myself, was I a bad mother for not teaching them to try again? When you fall off the horse, aren't you suppose to get back on. Was I a good mother for wanting to protect them?
I can't change the way I reacted or what happened. I can only think how we were incredibly blessed. Blessed with the safety of all the kids. Blessed that we took the time to find fitted life jackets. Blessed that we took the time to say a family prayer before we entered the river. Blessed that there was two nice guys who were willing to help. They had people on the river and were working they didn't have to help us. Blessed that no one was seriously hurt. Erika's back was fine. Luke was alive. Amber got back in the raft and was safe. Tori was spotted on a rock and safely floated down the river. There was one loss and that was Luke's glasses. They got pulled off his face. But even that was a miracle because his glasses had been giving him headaches and didn't really fit well either. So we were able to get him in for an eye check up 2 days later. Also, we were blessed to have a spare pair of glasses for him at home.
I got several bruises and scratches up my legs. My capris got ripped. Also, other blessing because I had decided to just wear exercise capris and a t-shirt (thinking I wasn't going to get wet much). So that could have been my skin ripped up, instead of my capris. I had bruises for several weeks. Some of the still are there, but very faint 3 weeks later. But it is a reminder to me that my family is all safe. We were protected and allowed to live on. I slept terribly the night the accident happened. I relived the events over and over. I felt bad I let go of Luke. I am not sure what more I could have done. I can only be relieved and happy to be alive. I hope my kids understand that water is not scary. We can prepare ourselves to be safe in the water. We all followed the rules and did what we needed to do. I am grateful again for the kindness of others for helping us. It is little or rather big things like this that remind me of my Heavenly Father's love for me. He has blessed me with a wonderful family. He has blessed me to be surrounded by so much love. For that I am so grateful.
This experience made me ponder about this life. Life is short. I have work to do to keep myself on the path to returning to my Heavenly Father and living with my family for eternity. I have work to do, but it is not hard.
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